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  "Have you been to the waterpark?" I asked her, pushing my glasses up after they'd slid down my nose.

  "There's a waterpark?" she asked. I invited her to come with me that weekend, and we'd been best friends ever since.

  Which was why it was weird that I didn’t hear from her on Bid Day morning. I was just starting to get nervous when she finally showed up in the quad to meet our recruitment group and receive our bid cards. It was the middle of August in the Pacific Northwest, and the sun was shining lazily through some wispy clouds. Hundreds of girls were gathered on the lawn, like pastel Easter eggs scattered on the grass, eager to learn their fate. Most of them, including Lindy, looked like they’d slept about as well as I had.

  Our recruitment counselor stopped her as she approached, handing her an envelope identical to mine.

  "The handwriting is like this one!" I greeted my best friend, showing her the envelope I wasn’t allowed to open yet.

  "The counselors could have written it," Lindy shrugged, sliding her envelope into the pocket of her jean skirt.

  “So, are you going to tell me how you ordered your houses?”

  She shook her head. “Does it matter? Nothing we can do about it now.”

  “So your order was different? Iota Beta isn’t your first choice?”

  She wouldn’t meet my eye.

  "Lindy," I grabbed her wrist. "If we're not in the same house, I don't know if I want to do this."

  Hundreds of girls started moving at once, grabbing our envelopes while our counselors counted down. "10...9..."

  "Whatever happens is okay," Lindy said, staring at her envelope.

  “7…”

  “Do you really think so?”

  “I hope so.”

  “5…”

  “Still friends no matter what?” It was corny, but I had to say it.

  “Of course, don’t be ridiculous.”

  "2...1."

  I ferociously tore into the envelope and found a card with an embossed seal. I got goosebumps as I lifted it and ran my fingers over the paper. Below the seal, in swooping script, read Iota Beta.

  "Go, go, go!" the counselors hollered. All around us, girls darted from their rush groups toward the crowd of waiting sorority women on the far side of the quad, representing their houses with matching t-shirts and coordinating balloon bouquets.

  With shaking hands, I opened the card.

  To Miss Jillian Holloway, it said in handwritten calligraphy. The ladies of the Alpha Gamma Chapter of Iota Beta cordially and humbly extend you this invitation. With this offer of membership, we welcome you into our home, our hearts, and our sisterhood.

  My breath caught in my lungs, and I instinctively put a hand to my chest.

  Lindy was reading over my shoulder, her envelope still in her hand. "I'm so happy for you," she said, reaching over to hug me.

  "Thanks," I said. "Now open yours."

  She lifted it and ripped it carefully, like a kid trying to save the wrapping paper on a gift box. She revealed a card identical to mine, with the same Iota Beta seal across the front. I looked up at her excitedly, but the expression on her face made my stomach hurt.

  “We did it, we’re together!” I exclaimed, trying to pretend I didn’t notice her disappointment.

  "Yep,” she swallowed and forced a smile.

  We had to jump out of the way to avoid getting hit by girls running excitedly. "Want to head over with me?” I asked.

  "No, you go ahead."

  "You sure?"

  "Yes, go."

  I skimmed the card one more time to make sure I hadn't been dreaming. Then, I slipped it into my pocket and took off, dodging the crowd and skipping around the girls still seated on the grass, absorbing the results of their bid cards. I turned back once to see if Lindy was following, but I had lost her in the swarm of people.

  I spotted the Iota Betas near the edge of the grass. Underneath their tan balloon bouquets were a huge sparkly foam "I" and "B," and ten or so active members in cream-colored tops distributing golden-hued t-shirts with beige writing to new members like me.

  Jenna saw me approaching and broke from the group. She ran up to meet me, all pretty and carefree like something out of a soap commercial. "I'm so glad you're here!" she said, squeezing my shoulders. "I really wanted you to be an IB!"

  "Me too!" I said. She smelled like bath salts and candy. Everything was happening so fast, with girls hugging and squealing and pulling new shirts on over their clothes. I quickly did the same with the one she handed me. It fit perfectly over my tank top and jeans, and I pushed my shoulders back with pride before casually peeking around, trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next.

  Lindy trotted up behind me seconds later, attempting a shaky smile.

  "Lindy! Yay!" a tall brunette with a bouncy ponytail sprang up to meet her. "So glad we got you!"

  "Thanks," Lindy said, steadying herself against the girl's aggressive hugs.

  "You're going to love it!" Ponytail bobbed her head enthusiastically.

  "Let's hope so!" my best friend replied, forcing the same level of energy in her voice. I caught her eye over Ponytail's shoulder, and saw her quietly sniff back frustrated tears.

  Our first hour as Iota Beta pledges was a blur spent on the front patio of our new house, posing for a photographer around balloons, streamers, and paper lanterns set up for the occasion. Even without the extra decorations, the Iota Beta chapter house would have made an impressive backdrop for pictures. At three stories tall, it stretched nearly half a block long. It was all brick with white shutters, and had white pillars grandly guarding the lawn. The front steps were also brick, and lined with planters of bright, colorful flowers exploding out of the top like lava from volcanoes.

  Dozens of cars full of luggage and school gear, driven by parents from near and far, seemed to magically pull up outside our house within minutes. Thankfully, Lindy's mom had given my parents a heads-up that they would be able to visit us and see the house, so all of them were having a late breakfast off-campus, waiting for our call. When Lindy got in touch, she learned that they'd just been seated at their table, so it would be a while before they’d make it.

  Around practically every corner, in every room and every hallway, were smiling actives and energetic new members laughing, hugging, and even crying joyfully over the reality of their new bed, or desk, or closet. As excited as I was, I don't think I could have brought myself to tears over the furniture, even if I'd wanted to.

  Throughout all of it, I received countless hugs from strangers, girls who seemed to already know exactly who I was.

  "Remember me? I'm the one who showed you the sleeping porch."

  "So glad you're here, Jill! You don't know me, but your cousin went to my high school and graduated six years before I did."

  "Jill! It’s so great to finally meet you! I think we were at Camp Waskowitz together back in 2008. I was in Cabin A-2. Weren't you in A-3?"

  "Oh my gosh, Jill! I heard the yearbook you edited was so good!"

  Everywhere I turned, I was on display, completely exposed to the new members. It was like they could now tell me everything they knew about me, everything that they'd been holding back during the previous week.

  The first chance I got, as we were leaving to go and retrieve my suitcase from the dorm, I grabbed Lindy by the elbow. "How come they all know who we are?" I whispered.

  "Of course they know who we are, they've been stalking us all week. How else do you think they decide who to bid?" Lindy replied simply. We were on the back patio, an impressive, shaded platform of terra cotta pavers that seemed to melt into the brick walls of the house. There wasn't exactly anywhere for us to hide so we had ducked into the far corner to distance ourselves from the back door.

  I kept my expression blank. "You didn't tell me that."

  "Does it matter? You're here. This is where you wanted to be."

  "I guess not," I studied the scene around me. In the light of day, with the other new members and th
eir parents, with moms in colorful capri pants and dads in shiny tennis shoes and khaki shorts milling about, the warm fuzzy feeling I had from before was just out of my grasp. Why wasn't someone showing me around? Where were the generous alumni, welcoming us with open arms, taking my coat? Why did the same girls who’d been so nice before seem so fake today? Why had the hour-long photo shoot with strangers felt so forced? Where was the bathroom?

  As if she could read my mind, someone snuck up behind us and greeted me with a hand on my shoulder.

  I jumped, “Oh my gosh, you startled me!”

  “Sorry,” Jenna said smoothly, like she actually wasn’t sorry at all. "I’ve been trying to catch you. Did you find your bed?"

  I later learned that actives were careful not to say "your room" when helping us get settled. Because the truth was, we didn't have rooms. We had beds and closets and desks, but they were spread out in different parts of the house. I was one of the luckier ones, since my desk and closet were together.

  "Yes, I did," I told Jenna. "Second floor, by my desk and closet."

  "Oh, good. Who else is in there with you?"

  I shrugged. "No idea. They weren't there when I put my stuff down."

  "I'm sure you got good roommates," she said, lowering her voice and leaning in. Nodding at Lindy to come closer, she whispered, "I told them to give you both good roommates." She looked at us seriously before standing up straight again. “So, things are fine so far?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” Lindy eyed her skeptically.

  Jenna laughed cheerfully. “No reason, I just wanted to make sure you both were doing okay.”

  “We’re good,” I said.

  “Great. Catch you later? I have a few things to do.”

  "Sure," I said to her back, watching as she literally skipped away.

  As soon as she was out of earshot, Lindy asked, “Did that seem weird to you?”

  I shook my head, "I think she was being sweet.”

  Lindy didn’t answer. After a few seconds passed, she squinted at me. “Do you hear that?”

  "Hear what?"

  She cocked her head, though I only heard the sounds of our pledge sisters hauling suitcases and giant pastel-colored bins. "No elevator?" a grumpy dad mumbled as he followed his daughter inside.

  "That," Lindy said. She stepped up into a huge planter at the corner of the patio, and peered over the bush inside it. "Hey, there," she said softly, craning her neck.

  Without explaining, she hopped down and steered me around the giant pot.

  "What is it?" I asked, assuming she'd seen a kitten or a bird or something. Instead, we found one of our pledge sisters crouched in a ball on the patio, recognizable only by her t-shirt identical to ours. Her long black hair was falling over her shoulders and into her face, which was red, shiny and puffy from what was clearly a marathon session of sloppy sobbing.

  Our fellow pledge sniffled, wiped her nose with the back of her hand, and cleared her throat. Her eyes darted around as she tried to think of some kind of explanation for us.

  THREE

  "Are you okay?" I asked the girl, right as Lindy stuck out her hand and said, "Hi, I'm Lindy, and this is Jill."

  "Hi," the stranger said, wiping her palms on her designer jeans, trying to pretend like she wasn't totally just crying. "I'm Hannah."

  "Are you okay?" I repeated.

  "I'm fine," she said. "Just a little tired."

  "Oh, sure. Big day, isn't it?"

  "Yep," she agreed.

  "Have you been back here long?" Lindy said gently.

  "Oh, no," Hannah said, standing up. "Not long. Not what you're thinking. Like four or five minutes, maybe? I just needed some fresh air."

  I nodded at her, knowing full well she'd been alone crying way longer. I couldn't blame her for fibbing, though. I mean, Lindy and I were complete strangers to her. If I was in her shoes, I wouldn't be spilling my guts within seconds of meeting us either.

  "Us too, it was crazy in there," I told Hannah. "Way too many girls who all knew our names."

  "We'd met some of them during rush," Lindy reminded me.

  "Yes, but it was still weird. They knew too much."

  "Right? It was so weird," Hannah exhaled. "You guys thought so, too? Fucking crazy."

  "Yes," I said, not sure what more I could add to that.

  Lindy shrugged. "They did their homework on us. Made sense to me."

  "Yeah, but your mom told you they were going to do that. Not everyone knows about it," I reminded her.

  "I didn't know," Hannah said. "I thought I was the only one who thought any of this was weird."

  "No, it's all super-overwhelming," I told her definitively. "I wanted to be in this house more than any others, and I'm still weirded-out."

  "Me, too!" Hannah said. Lindy didn't say anything.

  "Are you unpacked in there?" I asked, motioning back towards the house.

  "Sorta, I have all my stuff that I brought from the dorm, but I have more at my cousin’s apartment off-campus. She's storing it for me."

  Lindy spoke up again. "Want to hang out with us? Our parents won't be here for a while, so we’re going to get Jill’s suitcase."

  Hannah exhaled, visibly relieved at the thought of having something to do. "Are you sure?"

  Lindy shrugged. "We're sorority sisters now, right?" She pointed at our matching shirts.

  "That's what they tell us," Hannah sniffled.

  Once we got back from picking up my suitcase from the dorm, I noticed that if we looked closely, many of our pledge sisters' big smiles were shaking a bit. We clearly all wanted to say the right thing, do the right thing, and make a good impression, but at the same time, we were getting bombarded by ninety new and practically perfect roommates. I didn't blame this Hannah girl one bit for breaking down.

  Though, after she splashed some water on her face and pulled her hair into a ponytail, she seemed to relax. We learned Hannah was from Southern California, and she had a boyfriend also coming to our university who'd pledged the fraternity down the street.

  "Did you always know you were going to join a sorority?" Lindy asked as we helped our new friend hang up clothes in her closet. It was a common question from rush week, actually. Apparently sorority girls loved talking about their decision to join a sorority.

  As Hannah answered no, she hadn't always known, I took in the new space. Her closet room was pretty nice actually, and similar to mine. It was painted soft lavender, with built-in desks and closets made of light stained wood. There was a mint green couch, with purple and yellow pillows on it, and a yellow throw rug on the floor. The window in her room faced the front lawn and gave her a great view of Greek row, including the fraternity across the street. Their lawn was full of athletic, shirtless guys tossing footballs and drinking out of reusable water bottles made of varying shades of colored plastic. Seriously, who were they trying to fool with the bottles? I'm sure even the older parents knew they weren't drinking water. I leaned in close to the window, wondering if the guy who’d given me the rose was in that fraternity, on that lawn.

  “Hey, did you guys get roses last night?” I turned back to my friends, interrupting Hannah’s monologue.

  Both of them looked at me blankly. “Roses?” Lindy repeated.

  “Fraternity guys were out, handing them to all the girls who finished rush.”

  “Cute,” Lindy said. “I didn’t see them, though.”

  “Me either,” Hannah added.

  “Oh,” I said.

  My disappointment must have showed, because Lindy prompted me, “What?”

  “One of the guys, was like, perfect-looking and I totally wanted to talk to him, but I didn’t get the chance.”

  “There are lots of perfect-looking guys in the Greek System,” Hannah said knowingly. “I’ve been to my boyfriend Evan’s house, and you wouldn’t believe how cute they all are.”

  “He’s already been in his house?” I asked.

  Hannah nodded. “The guys do it differently.
He moved in earlier this summer, and he was telling me that I should rush too, so we could live closer together and see each other more. He told me I should try to join this house, or the one across the street from them, the Omega Gams. I liked this one better."

  "You just picked it out and kept at it for the whole week?" Lindy turned to her in surprise, and I thought of all the girls in our rush group who’d been crushed by the houses they were going for.

  She nodded. "Oh, totally. I trusted Evan's opinion, you know? I guess all the guys in his house told him to break up with me if I ended up in a bad house." She lowered her voice and leaned in. "Fuck that, I know he wouldn't have, but still. I didn't want to give him a reason to get targeted for anything."

  Lindy raised her eyebrows. "Targeted for what?" I asked.

  Hannah sat back against the closet door. "Hazing," she said simply.

  I was dying to ask questions about that, but an active member poked her head in through the doorway. "Hey girls!" she greeted us. "Did you all hear about lunch? Starts at one, downstairs. No parents allowed, IBs only. Are your parents here?"

  "Ours are still on the way," Lindy said. "They should be here any minute."

  "Oh," the active stepped into the doorway, and I noticed there was a name tag on her shirt. Danielle, it read in feminine handwriting, written in sharpie pen and with a heart over the 'i.' In smaller letters, it said Vice President, Programming. "You may want to call them, since it's our first house meeting. We'd have to make them wait outside and it could go long, since there'll be introductions and we'll be going over a bunch of information."

  "Seriously? They can't come in at all?" Lindy asked.

  Danielle shook her head. "No, they can't. It's IBs and pledges only."

  "Can they at least bring our stuff?" my best friend asked, carefully keeping her voice sweet and non-threatening.